even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
