Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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