yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm at about main and main street
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
