i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
