We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
