Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
