Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
