she was so not down for the gang bang
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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