I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
