Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
