respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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