just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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