exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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