So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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