no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
