actually, I'm a sock model
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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