like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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