I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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