thus making me awesome and them whores
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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