Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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