i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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