We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize