We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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