I think my vagina is haunted
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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