why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
