Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
