I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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