Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
