I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
