apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
