This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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