He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
