if i can run in heels then i can drive
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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