so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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