About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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