Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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