some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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