Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
