How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
