She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
