I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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