right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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