just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
