Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize