Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
