So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
