I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
