i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
