Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
