you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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