i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
