the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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