We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
