I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I want her autograph on my taint
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
