if only i could text you this smell
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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