Your tits are I can't wait for
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
