I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
