I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
