I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
