Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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