so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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