you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
