we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
