Don't you send me to vm
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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