I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
