do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
