I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
